WHY SHOULD YOU KEEP READING? 

-If you want a different perspective on why our words lose weight  and meaning over time. 
- You want to create more awareness in your conversations.
- You want more meaning in your life from thinking about your words.


OH THAT'S SO CLICHE!   

Who doesn't love a good cliche? Who hates them? Do we even know what a cliche is? 

Cliche is the death of what was once great advice (this is my own definition).  It was a lesson, perhaps, that all humans should understand and grasp to help them understand life, its trials and happiness. 


HOW DOES IT BECOME CLICHE? 

As time passes, certain phrases become popular and overused to the point they lose their original meaning.  You might have heard someone say to you "oh that's so cliche!" 

If used correctly, it came right after you expressed a thought using an unoriginal phrase.  In other, words you didn't search for your own words to describe what you were feeling.  Moreover, the phrase you used has become convoluted over time, losing its meaning and strength to make an impact in conversation. 

SO EVEN MORE SIMPLE...YOU WOULD BE BETTER OFF FINDING YOUR OWN WORDS TO EXPLAIN SOMETHING. AND THAT'S THE PROBLEM.  WE'RE LOSING OUR ABILITY TO DO THIS FROM RELYING ON OTHER PEOPLE'S WORDS. WE'RE NOT SPENDING ENOUGH TIME LOOKING INTERNALLY AND ARE OVERLOADED EXTERNALLY WITH INFORMATION.

WE'RE BECOMING ROBOTS AND PAWNS WITH LESS ORIGINAL THOUGHTS.


​WHERE AM I GOING WITH THIS? 

Our society is having an insufferable time right now communicating for various reasons....some of which (my opinion here) are the following...

1.  We're not teaching younger generations how to express themselves in the education system well enough.  Too much emphasis on assigning loads of homework and telling kids how to think instead of how to understand themselves (I understand this isn't every teacher or school).

2.  As coaches, parents and anyone in a role of raising and educating kids we are unaware of how we imprint our own insecurities and vices into our children.  This can slow down the development of a person.  Read Alice Miller's "The Drama of a Gifted Child."

3.  Whenever we want to see drastic change in any one area of society we mostly try and make one particular group feel really guilty and awful about themselves, expect change right away and completely give zero validation to progress out of fear by doing so we won't make change, OR GET OUR WAY.


WHERE ELSE DOES THIS SHOW UP IN OUR LIVES? 

It affects our relationships with friends and our partners.  Brianne and I at age 26 and 32 have just begun to get good at telling each other what we need.

We've worked for years at realizing our current habits and emotional patterns were making us unhappy together and a part. 

We learned where our habits came from and why they developed.  We essentially worked really hard to figure out who we were, to become who we wanted to be. 

We had to stop making ourselves feel awful for who we were. 

We had to forgive ourselves to forgive others.

It was very difficult. 


​FINAL THOUGHTS:

In life, one of our most valuable skills we can develop is great communication.  I would argue that most of my success has come off of my ability to communicate my knowledge well.  

In short, I'd rather be able to explain what I know very well than have a lot of information I can't explain.  The later doesn't help many people; for me, that's important.

SHOW NOTES:

Eric and Scott Holiday cover a lot about sex addiction in Part 1.....

Replacing the dopamine rush from sex with new connections.

Scott talks about showing up and being authentic on instagram.

Where do these habits start from?

Practice staying conscious to become who you want to be.

Eric covers the Importance of expectations when trying to make progress.

Your partner can be your best coach.

Asking for help.

Working to feel your partners emotions.

The fear of losing your partner.

Feeling a loss of identity.

Show Notes:

Manipulation is a serious weapon in our society.  Feels like everyday we need to have our guard up from people and organizations we don't trust.  Why is it so rampant? Why can't we all just be honest? Say what we really think?  

When manipulation becomes part of the fabric of our communication, it's hard to know when we're using it and when we aren't.  It can make genuine connection difficult.

​Marketing companies have spent millions in research learning how to hack your attention and trust, so it's no wonder we have become so guarded.

Eric:
Talks about how manipulation is a tool he picked-up early in his life, far before meeting Brianne.  In large part, he used manipulation to avoid uncomfortable conversations that were inconvenient to him and his selfish desires.  This tool would offer short term satisfaction and create divide long term.  

When it becomes the fabric of our communication, it's hard to know when we using it and when we aren't.  It can make it hard to have genuine connection.


Brianne:
Talks about how over time she started to call Eric out on his manipulation and holds him accountable to communicating more genuinely. 

Brianne talks about her super high expectations of Eric in the first year of their relationship.

Eric talks about how it was hard receiving lack of affirmations from Brianne.

They both elude to why the relationship started off in this direction, but don't spill the beans on exactly why! Can you guess what it is?

​Enjoy the entertainment and also leave with helpful takeaways on how to notice unwanted patterns, tell your partner what you need and avoid multiple realities within a relationship.

REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE A KID THEY TOLD YOU TO USE YOUR IMAGINATION, OR YOU WILL LOSE IT? 

I DO.

I THINK LOVE MIGHT WORK THE SAME WAY.  WHEN I STARTED TO FIXATE ON THE PLEASURE OF SEX...

I FORGOT HOW TO LOVE.
I FORGOT HOW TO ENJOY SEX.

YOU'LL FIND OUT WHY THIS DROVE ME INTO SERIOUS DEPRESSION AND AN IDENTITY CRISIS.

HOW IT STARTS CAN TELL US A LOT...

Brianne was 22 when we started dating and I was 28 (we are now 26 and 32 going strong); this was against my policy; I knew I needed to date someone more on my maturity level, but once again I didn't respect my boundary.

WHY DID I NEED THAT BOUNDARY? 

Experience is definitely more important than age, but dating based on age is still a good filter in my opinion. This could be a separate conversation (shoot me a message if you'd like to talk about it).

In short, my experiences in the past (i.e. dating well above my age and dating in the 21-25 age range) gave me experience.  I needed someone at similar place in their journey as me. 

The questions is was I right or was I wrong then to end up dating Brianne at 22? 

Haha.  That's a loaded question (sorry, separate post for that too).  Ultimately, it was the right choice, but probably not for the reasons you think.


Why and How Did that Boundary Drop?

7 months into meeting Brianne I became her mentor at work.  I was excited to help a really genuine soul navigate the rough waters of making a career in personal training. 

One of the first long conversations I had with her happened while on her "floor shift," at Equinox.  Her responsibility -- to build rapport with members, generate leads, answer questions and keep the gym organized.  During our conversation about her work performance she started to cry.  Water Works City.  Brianne is a big cryer -- it's one of her super powers.  I absolutely love this about her.  Her ability to emotionally regulate through allowing her emotion to flow is so difficult for many of us.  At one point she saw this as a negative -- she's just beginning to see it as strength.  

I started to become charmed by her the more time we spent together.  WALLS DROPPING.  As we moved toward the early dating stage the whole situation started to check a lot of familiar boxes for me...

- Looking for control -- I was older, felt "wiser", financially secure.
-Small taboo factor -- I was her mentor at work.
- She looked up to me and respected me -- I can't get hurt.
- There was an easy sexual chemistry that became to hard to ignore -- I saw an opportunity to explore fantasy.


CONNECTING THE DOTS TO  AN ADDICTION

I had not realized it then, but a couple of years later I would connect the dots to how my early addiction to pornography (in my mid teens), and soon after addiction to sex, had a vice grip on my decision making on partners I chose. 

Don't misunderstand...the paragraph above about being charmed by Brianne was real.  I saw this raw emotion I loved that made her different.  This came from a good place, but was clouded by some judgements that came from dark places. 

Being addicted means these two things (pornography and sex) very were important and in my late teens I adopted a narcissistic personality as a means to obtain sex.  It became clear to me that this personality trait meant confidence, which I noticed in the real world was the antidote to my desires.  When you're addicted it is difficult to catch the manipulations you play on your mind.  You may catch some, or even most, but not all.

The next thing needed to compliment my narcissism was money.  You see, these things became so powerful over me that when I was just out of college I spent more time trying to satisfy my addiction than continuing my career in broadcast journalism.

Working late nights as a bartender was the perfect scene for a growing obsession -- I was on 3-4 dating apps.  This is all pre personal training ( I started training at age 23/24). 

I'll have to fill you in on that part of my life another time..But the takeaway is that it created completely selfish patterns.  I lost the ability to care deeply for others and listen to them.


FAST FOWARD BACK TO BRIANNE AND I 

By 28 I had already begun to recognize the error of my ways.  Several unhealthy relationships  before Brianne helped identify that I did have some intimacy issues physically and emotionally.

I was great at playing a role, I was terrible at being myself.  I was stuck in a character who was just trying to figure out the next step, satisfy the next requirement and trying not to fail.  I think Brianne and I both felt this way for different reasons. 

I WAS AVOIDING CONFLICT! WITH MY SELF AND WITH BRIANNE. BUT DID NOT HAVE FULL AWARENESS OF IT. 

CONCLUSION: 

-- I cared about Brianne as a person. Loved helping her succeed as a trainer.
-- I saw raw beautiful emotion in her that was different than anyone else.
-- I was lit up by this and could not ignore it.
-- Past patterns of not connecting intimately with someone past a physical level did not allow me to cultivate a deeper love.
-- Brianne has incredible intuition -- she could sense that something was missing in me.  She would not drop her walls completely for me until almost 2 years into our relationship.  
--  This girl would not settle for less.

Thanks for Reading. 

Breathe Well, 

Coach Eric 
​

BRIANNE WANTED ME TO FAIL IN OUR RELATIONSHIP....
Sit and think about the domino effect that could have on my life and hers? 

CHALLENGE:
Don’t read ahead….just think for like 30 seconds.  See how much you think you know (instead of reading and nodding “yep I knew that").  Drives me nuts when people pretend to know what you’re saying simply because it makes sense — which is not the same thing as it being present and ACTIVE information in your mindset.  

I clearly have some insecurities and I’m happy to let you see all of them. : )


THE EFFECT IT HAD ON ME WAS HUGE:

1. Exhausted trying to appease someone, who couldn’t be appeased.
2. Started to become a competition for me and a challenge to prove her wrong — not healthy.
3. Started to not feel love and started to love less.
4. Started to work more to feel successful (which broke a boundary for me).
5. Eventually started thinking about other women more.
6. Started playing Golf a lot more.
7. Sex went from great, to good to robotic (gross).
8. Started panicking that I wasted another 2 years in another relationship.
9. Started thinking Love is not a real thing.

IS THIS SOUNDING FAMILIAR???

I totally was ready to throw in the towel.  Maybe I just need to accept it because...

1.This is just the way it goes.
2. I'll just live alone and date. 
3. whatever you can think of...

WHAT DID WE LEARN?:

It's not all about me, there are plenty of things I’ve had to work on to make our relationship better, but I’m keeping this tight — next post we can get into that.  SO WHAT DID WE LEARN...

1. Brianne and I were not being honest with ourselves, which meant we couldn’t be honest with each other.

2.  We had created THREE REALITIES: MINE, HERS AND THE ONE TOGETHER.  You might believe there are things you just don't tell each other...FOR US THAT DOESN'T WORK.

3. Relationships are work in my opinion.  And they’re incredibly rewarding.  When you do the work you will have PERIODS OF effortless kind love.

4.  It’s kind of like practicing a sport.  The game is fun and you play well when you practice hard.

Thanks for reading.  Keep going for more?

OPTIONAL CHALLENGE FOR GROWTH:
​
I challenge you, before reading any of this (BELOW), to write down what “relationship,” means to you.  Journal about it.  Open ended.  Then read below some information I’ve given you to consider.

WHY DO I FEEL SO STRONGLY ABOUT THIS?
It is my belief, as an individual, a coach and a guide that I challenge you to find a place inside your mind that is untouched from any text book, any person and any opinions that are not your own.

BUT HOW?
Practice. Practice explaining what anything truly means to you and ask yourself “WHY,” at least three times.

BUT WHY?
It takes time to find this place inside yourself.  It takes hours of isolation and practice.

THE VALUE?

1. You’ll develop a confidence in your approach to life and happiness that can’t be hijacked.
2. Less Indecisive with anything
3. You’ll find your true self and shed “after-market” version that’s been built.
4. True passion is much easier to find this way.
5. Distractions become more noticeable.

An Indian Philosopher Jiddu Krishnamurti talks about relationships as being one with another.  There are no secrets, or walls between you.  Communication flows in way where the reality of the relationship is the reality of both individuals.

IS THIS REALLY POSSIBLE THOUGH?

Thats for you to decide.

BREATHE WELL,

COACH ERIC

Checkout my Interview with All Business Media FM talking about Health Coaching! I talk about what brought me into health coaching, including my role model when I was younger and bullying.

Many of my clients are looking to find the magical solution to eating less sugar, but still enjoying what they eat.  Being on a sugar kick is one of the hardest things to....well...kick.  For some of us this happens periodically throughout a year, maybe around the holidays, but for many it's an every day struggle.

There might actually be an easy transition for our friends who struggle to kick the sugar out their diet and it's called Erythirtol.  What? Yeah, I have to admit I needed to do my research recently on this new popular sweetener.  I started seeing it appear on a lot of labels and seeing it described as "sugar alcohol."  It doesn't take a super genious to wonder "Is that something I should be putting in my body?"  Surgar and alcohol aren't exactly synonomous with health. 

I finally pulled the trigger on doing some research Memorial Day weekend with my girl friend while we lounged along the Jersey Shore (Seaside, in case you were wondering).

Here's what you need to know: 

1) Is it Safe? 

So far studies say yes, but mostly animal tests have been done.  Even with large doses no serious side effects have been shown (1).

2).  Is it zero calories? 

6% of the calories of sugar and 70% of the sweetness.  That's a pretty good deal, in fact, the best deal you're going to find (especially if you don't enjoy the taste of stevia).

3) How is it made? 

I'm not a chemist, but I've read that it's formed when a type of yeast ferments glucose from corn or wheat starch.

4) How is it digested? 

Actually, several other sugar alchols can cause bloating, but erythritol get's absorbed mostly in the blood stream and whatever is left over excreted out through urine (2, 3).

5) Does it effect insulin levels or other bio markers?

There is no change in blood sugar or insulin levels. It does not effect cholesterol, triglycerides or other biomarkers either (4).

Overall, it looks like a safe bet, but of course there is always more research that can be done. Best advice is to listen to your body. When you eat something containing erythitol see how you feel.  How is your energy, sleep, mood, digestion, etc?

For questions please reach out! 

To the facts!!

Don't you love when you can go to a reliable source of information and they give you just what you want to know and non of the editorial "B.S" so you can move on with your day.  Studies show we absorb information better in small doeses anyways (R, R2)! 

Here are common questions regarding alcohol that I receive weekly from current clients, members from group fitness and assessments that I perform weekly from individuals trying to lose weight.  Hope this helps....

Q1: Does Alcohol turn to fat? 

A: Maybe.  It's not as simple as a yes or no (most things in health and fitness aren't). Alcohol does impair your ability to burn fat.  Some of the alcohol is broken down into acetaldehyde and from their into acetate. Acetate impairs your bodies ability to burn fat.  If you've eaten in excess on a day you've consumed alcohol then acetate can turn to fat (R).

Q2: What should I eat if I drink alcohol?

A: Do some simple calculation here...If your ability to burn fat has been impaired you probably don't want to eat foods with fat in them.  Better to have protein dense  meals if consuming alcohol and your goal is weight management. 

Carbs are okay too, but remeber your alcoholic beverage is mostly carbs, so you want to stay away from the salty chips.  

And finally, avoid eating a surplus of food that day.  Anything you consume over the amount needed will be stored as fat because you've impaired your metabolism.

Q3: Will working out help on the day  I consume alchol, if my goal is weight loss?

A: Yes it will.  Workout right before you go drinking so your glycogen stores are depleted.  This will help so the calories have somewhere to go when you drink, but remeber you will get drunk much faster (be smart and safe).  Food helps break down alcohol and slows down the alochol from reaching the liver. 

Another thing that will help is sticking with spirits (no mixers) and dry wine.  Items lower in calories.  What kills people is they eat a lot before drinking, thus now it takes longer for alchol to get into the blood stream -- this can promote an individual who is drinking to feel the effects of alchol to drink more, which leads to even more calories.  Then comes the hunger cravings later when you get home and the snacking starts.  You can see how this adds up really quickly.  From several conversations with clients I find that after a night out they've consumed upwards of 5,000 calories when combining the cocktails with snacking before and after. 

Some people will give me this argument "oh well I don't eat that much."

Well I can also tell you from the resting metabolisms tests I've done that many individuals who give me this excuse also have a very slow metabolism to begin with.  I've seen metabolisms lower than 800 calories per day, not including exercise. So now imagine someone who only burns 700 calories per day (probably should see a doctor in this case to check hormones and thyroid fucntion).  They worked out that day and burned 300 calories.  1000 total calories on the day! Now they have 3-4 drinks, which can range anywere from 400 calories to 2,000 calories and that's not including food.

There it is.  If you want more information on this topic I'll direct you to a great article  I came across: HERE.  It will repeat much of what I've said here, but goes into greater details. 

#Alcohol #Weightloss #habitstoloseweight #alcoholweightloss #alcoholtips #Nutritiontips